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  • Writer's pictureTuba

Slay Queen or Living Your Best Life?

Updated: Aug 15, 2020

I'm not sure if this is all just a personal Mandela Effect I'm experiencing, but I remember a time when the term slay queen did not have such negative connotations, when a slay queen was just a girl living her best life, looking good, taking care of herself...and sporting really long Peruvian hair and nails. LOL okay, so maybe that last part didn't change.

Today, however, urban dictionary describes slay queens as “young and naive girls who apparently do not date broke men. They spend hours on Snapchat and Instagram showing off things they don't even own” …and I beg to differ. First of all, this definition doesn’t make sense because someone who exclusively dates “non-broke” men is far from naïve, and also, it’s basically a veiled insult for women who are judged solely on their outward appearance.


**steps gingerly off soapbox**


Right, now that I’ve given my understanding on this fast-becoming controversial term, I wish I could be a slay queen every day! On the days that I actually do more than slap sunscreen on my face and take some time to not look like a hobo, I feel like a totally different person.


My head is held higher, I’m more assertive and I get everything I want, and right now I want everyone to read my blog, follow my tips and come back for more so guess who’s typing this article with a full face of makeup and well-manicured nails? Not me, haha. However, I do have a few tips for girls who, like me, are more Cady than Regina George (yes, I still make Mean Girls references, we all have our vices).


Live life unapologetically – whatever that means for you. Does it mean posting minute-by-minute updates of your fun (or mundane) adventures? Do it!! Does it mean changing your name, moving to a faraway island and re-branding as a travel blogger? Slay those oddly specific goals, wena ghel!



Try out everything at least once – In the last decade, I have been a pre-school teacher, taken French lessons, studied in a foreign land, learnt yoga, become decent at Pilates, unlearned my internalised (read: conservative Zambian) homophobia, learned to swim properly (at the embarrassingly big age of 26), taken a 3-country solo trip, travelled 11,171 km for a second date, travelled to 10 countries, learnt that avocado is better with salt and not sugar, left an abusive relationship, and finally, discovered that I don’t really like sailing.

I attribute most of these things to my “meh! What’s the worst that could happen” attitude and my penchant for trying something at least once and continuing to do it if you like it.





Learn to say no – I struggle with this. I really do. However, when I do enforce it as a boundary it feels really empowering and that’s the kind of slay queen I aspire to be. One who knows how to navigate between being available for others while still taking care of herself, living her best life and being totally present for herself. I’m not sure I will ever achieve that level in this game of life, tbh, but that will not stop me from trying daily, and it shouldn’t stop you either, fellow aspiring slay queen….and king, I guess.


Do you agree with my definition of a slay queen? Let me know how you're reclaiming the term.








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